Downhill

I'm going downhill for every moments I spent on this barren land

I'm withering like unwanted weed that no one wants

I'm falling into the abyss of unforgiving darkness

I'm drifting in a timeless zone - slowly, endlessly

I'm drowning in a pool of black liquid so thick and foul

I'm caressing what is left of my life that quietly leaving me behind

I am lost forever...

Mere Existence

Have you ever been abandon? Or perhaps you abandon someone?

I've always seen in dramas or movies with a scene between family members where either the parent disowned their child or the other way around and I always got teary eyed but I have never understood the feeling >its just their acting is sooo good..<

Until recently... Oh no, its not like my parent disowned me but something similar

After I quit my last job, I worked with my aunties on family business but 1 of my aunt >N< is so fucking retard. To sum it all up - I just couldn't hold it in any longer since she started attacking my mother at me almost everyday. I can tolerate being scolded at but don't mess with my family. I don't care if you hate my mama but she IS my mama, no matter how she is my mama who work her ass off and struggling to raise my big bro and me alone.

So we end not talking to each other for more than a month now. I'm not going to lie, seeing her face and hearing her voice everyday at workplace from 8.00am - 9.15pm is really stressful!

In my mind now, she is no longer my aunt. I shall forget her entirely and never in my life I have an aunt with the name >N<. Honestly it doesn't feel right but now I know what is the feeling to just ignore someone existence and being ignored back. Hehehe...  

Well yesterday was Hari Raya Aidiladha and me and my mama went back to my other house in Kepong just to get away from the her. I was thinking to get a new job.

Hm.. I don't know what or how or anything I can actually do to fix this but if let say we are back on normal terms, I really think she going to start the same routine again over and over because this is not the first time. I endure everything last time but I have a limit to how much I can take and tolerate with her attitude.

Haish......

*Little Lies - Am I trying too hard or I think too much?

Phase of [LIFE]...that I didn't & failed to get

I've been on a roller-coaster ride, so many ups and downs and merry-so-round...

There are so many nasty things going on in my life now...well not to mention the world we all live in currently is cruel and all but honestly, I get tired of it...

I figured out that we all get something like this in some point in our life, heck, they say that life is like a wheel, one day we up and another day we way at  the bottom >no pun intended<

I believe that we all have some dreams that we hope to achieve but seems like far away and impossible in certain ways but deep in our heart we just can't let it go
Like me, I dream to become an entertainer or singer or anythning that involve performing art.. BIG LOL for to me... Its funny that I even had that dream when I know somehow its not gonna happen.

I've been a president of a Theather Club back during my school days, I'm the lead during my school musical, I choreo some moves, I help out with some play auditions and even go as far as performing at Malacca one time but now its all seems so surreal to me...

Have you ever watch GLEE and you get all excited and sing along? I did!! You go and figure out what that means.. Hish..

Now I'm 23 and still some nights I wished that I had live my fantasy the way I want it to be and just live the life that I want and love so much..

I had my share of stupid and ridiculous things I've done before that I happen to regret it so much, I mean we all are sooner or later if that still doesn't happen to you..
I am trying my luck in this world now to say the least. Live day by day, hoping that someday somehow I might be able to get what I wished for...

Hahahaha!! Look at me writing up some stupid wishy-wishy thingy here on my blog... Look pals, grow up and be better >and get better!< please.. Life is not a movie although some movies are inspired or based on real life but then again, I'm old enough to know what's real and what is not but still...I just can't help it...

I'm hopeless... Hopeless in life, Hopelessly romantic >and I suck at it<, Hopeless in tryng to achive my dreams, Hopeless in thinking that I can even touch my dreams, I am just really hopeless in so many ways... It suck BIG TIME to be me... How freaking naive can I be sometimes well most of the times actually..

Mostly during time like this I will scroll down and re-read the entry about Andy. How am I so thankful for his letter that keep on reminding me that I live in a real world, the real deal, the real me.

Friends and Foes alike, cheers on the upcoming October 2012 and wish you guys will have an awesome month ahead and hopefully some of you get to grab your chances and taking one step towards what you wishing for.

So as for now, enjoy!

Little Lies  - creating avalanche in life now