July to August, Still The Same Me [again and again]

Devotion is something really hard for most people including me..

To make yourself being devoted to another person for the sake of relationship takes lot of patience and courage. Especially in a relationship that the society consider as "un-normal"  =.=

We often being shown in drama or movie that relationship no matter how bad it gets eventually it will turn around and poof, happy ending! And we all know that that's not how it works in reality... Well, in certain cases there are happy endings and to that people - congratulations!

Recently I watched a lot of dramas and short-movies online. Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Filipino and even from Thailand. Chins and Japs mostly end with happy ending while Pinoy and Thai end with somewhat sad ending. Which I prefer? Both.

I'm kind of hooked with Japs lately... I just finish watching "Ai No Kotodama" on YT and I feel a strong urge to write this.

Well, that movie is nice and easy going as it deals with common issue in a relationship - closeted relationship that is. How two guys struggle with their life when one girl comes around and attracted to one of the guy.

The reason why I like this movie is because the actors doesn't act cute or overly sissy like Americans movie. Honestly speaking, when I decided to be who I am now, I want a guy not a girlish guy. If I want that kind of person I might as well just be straight and be with a hot chick...

The way they fight, they talk, they walk and everything they did in that movie are kind of the things that I always imagine doing it together with someone. Hopelessly romantic? Maybe I am but I believe that every single humans want something like that right.

Enough

To the perfect you! ENJOY...


Ego selfish Prima Donna
Dancing in your poisoned cage
Thinking that your consciences clearer
If you drink your dreams away

Feed your anger to the Devil
In your self-built wishing well
Take a swim in muddy waters
All the dirts will leave a trail

Had enough, symphonies of sorrow
The beast of prey a breath away
Masterpiece of treachery

Built a wall and made me crumble
Just because I am in love
Don't you cry now, look at all the
Dolls and toys that you have got

Smash the mirror of perversion
With the dagger that you made
Mirror, mirror, is there someone
Who can make your day today?

Had enough, symphonies of sorrow
The beast of prey a breath away
Had enough, symphonies of sorrow
The beast of prey a breath away
Masterpiece of treachery

Keep my thoughts buried in a box
With each shot I still kept it locked
You drew a play written in my blood
Went ahead just to feed the lot


Had enough, symphonies of sorrow
The beast of prey a breath away
Had enough, symphonies of agony
The beast of prey a breath away
Masterpiece of treachery

Little Lies - I've had enough...

"Tittleless"

We often talk and think about relationship...and of course everyone would want a long lasting and the one that can really represent - till death do us apart - kind of relationship.

When we first get in a couple kind of thing, we would want it to last, thus all the sweet promises to your so called "other half" all will come out, like "I would love you long time", "you will be my last", "love you until my last breathe" so on and so forth..

But then again why make a promise that you can't keep? Not all relationship will last long anyway... Well, I'm telling the truth. Divorce, messy break-ups, and cheating to named but a few causes of ending a relationship. Nowadays to be 100% honest to others is really tough, bah it even hard for you to be honest with you own self...

That is why after my last relationship - which end in disaster kind of way - I've did so much thinking like why can't it last. Is it my fault or the person?

Fuck all those things! Nowadays, honestly when I walk pass by a family I will get jealous... I want a family too, with kids and all... My own house, my everything. Things that I can proudly say "MY OWN". Things that comes from my hard earned money, things that come from my hardship. Would you want something like that? A person(s) that I can love more and more and more!

Hmph... I'm really fucked up because I can't barely trust my judgement. Like I'm lost or something.. I always hold on to - Sing what you can't say, forget what you can't play - and no I don't consider myself as a singer of any sorts but well, you get what I mean...right?

Lost in the deepest abyss
Stranded in the most deserted land
Floating amidst the forgotten memories
Burn to ashes and never to return again...

Little Lies - My soul burns...

Into The Sun: Act 1 First Single

So excited that Tarja released her new single "Into The Sun"!! You can listen to it from the video above.

But honestly its quite weird that the 1st single is a live version rather than studio version... I just realize that it was live because I heard clapping sounds, she sound tremendously good in live! I love her raw voice on live rather than more relax and control in album.

It would be funny though if she would dare herself to sing in her speaking voice rather than the massive and bombastic operatic voice of her. :)

I stalked on her bio on wiki and found out more info on her voice types. She is a full lyrical soprano but since she change the way of singing to cope with the metal song she manage to even upgraded her voice. She can do coloratura as well and it shows in the song Passion And The Opera and Ciaran's Well where she perform a high staccato in the same concept as Der Holle Rache from the opera The Magic Flute by Mozart

Here is the sample of the song Der Holle Rache by Diana Damrau - a coloratura soprano

And here is Tarja version of staccato in her own song (it starts around 2.40 I believe...)

Well can't wait for 2 big things in August!!

1. Tarja Act 1 release!

2. Ailee comeback and her mini album!

With this I bid you guys farewell!! >preparing myself for fasting month< :D

I will get the 2VCD and Blu-Ray, who wants to belanja me? I'm guessing around RM300 with shipping from either UK or US or even from Argentina itself... Anyway I know I will get my hands on Act 1 soon!!

Little Lies ~ Walking right into the sun ~

The Price Of Freedom

Recently the title of this post always keeps on lingering in my mind..

I did said in my earlier post that I enjoy my own time without any intrusion meaning I really want freedom in my life to do whatever I want. Well if you listen to the video above, what do you feel?
That is an OST taken from Final Fantasy VII Crisis Core >I'm a Final Fantasy fanatic and lunatic!<.

I've been pondering on the meaning behind the title "The Price Of Freedom", and my conclusion is that even being free, you can't escape the reality of the world. Things won't always go the way you want it...

"Chase after your dream and turn it to reality"

Like that's going to happen... In fairy-tale maybe >Little Lies<

The song is really touching without being too melodramatic and emotional, the composition surpass my emotion level and I can relate to that music anytime.

At first I thought being free can get me anything but oh boy, I am WRONG. The price that you have to pay for freedom I think cost a lot more.

You have to carry your own burden, face all those challenges in life alone, talking to only yourself and much more. If any of you haven't been in a relationship at least once maybe you don't understand this yet.. Being with somebody that appreciate whatever you do is way better. All those memories share together, all those sorrow and pain, good or bad, day nor night will be share and experienced together. In a way, life seems more meaningful and the anticipation of going through another day seems much more reasonable.

Being alone is SUCKS baby! All those miserable times you faced, you had to endure it all by yourself. Can you really handle that? Well for me, after I experienced relationship once, I always wish I had someone by my side all the times. People, don't be too choosy. If you want only the good looking ones, how bout the not-so-good-looking?

I've read another guy blog recently and he told the story of meeting with someone. At first he was a little unsure of that guy personality but eventually it shines through and according to the character description, that guy was not a good looking but then again, he had a level of maturity beyond his years and he has a good traits in him. So the old saying of "Don't judge a book by it's cover" is really timeless. 

Don't be such an asshole and grade every passer by in your pathetic life, instead try to get to know them before you make any judgement. If you think your judgements are so damn good, why you are still reading this? Go and take the exam to be a Lawyer or even better Judge. LoL!

So people of world wide web, please be more considerate. Of course as a human we tend to judge other things >myself included< but try to keep it minimal or if you still want to telepathically judge someone, keep it to yourself and don't share with others.

I guess I'm off topic again... =.="

Goodbye Andy...

To Andy, if you somehow manage to read this, remember that Annie, Hera, Ione and me forever love you...

Well, I got a chance to get to know Andy through his twitter account on Ailee Fanbase club. We somehow clicked and we form a little group called "Aileeans" consisting off few others. The only thing I know about him is that he is Malaysian, a guy, 16 years old and loves Ailee like all of us.

Andy, Annie, Hera and me always go crazy on twitter, spazzing about Ailee and other stuffs. Then one day he mention that he will fly over to Japan for a surgery. He said that he had this illness since he was a little kid and it needs to undergo a surgery. All of us pray for his health and safe journey.

We keep on tweeting to each other till the day of the surgery and even after the surgery. He thanked all of us for supporting him and giving him strength to overcome his illness.

One day he tweeted me with a picture of a turtle saying that he caught the little guy at the pond behind the hospital and ask me to name it, I named it "Light" and we agreed including Annie. It was a happy times. He keeps on complaining that his head hurts so much from time to time but I was busy with work so I couldn't be there for him instead I just tweet some advices and positive comments to him to keep him happy and strong.

Then suddenly his dad >using Andy twitter account< inform us that Andy had passed away that morning. All of us was so shocked especially all of us tweeted together the night before...

After offering condolences to his family, Andy's dad tweet a link to me saying that Andy left me a note that he uploaded online. I downloaded it but was too sad and scared to read it...
Well, here is what on the note...

"appa!!! its me andy ^^


hehehe..ahh ~ me strating crying again T_T . somehow i can feel that today is my last day XD .. there are really lots of thing i want to do before i die , recently i've been thinking about meeting you guys but ^^ too far away ..its a wish that will never came true right !! appa i'm sorry if im worry you guys T_T i hate bothering people life i try to console myself but i cant XD ..appa can you guys take care of hera?? cuz she might have major problem than me .. i wish i could help her ~_~ i really do want to help her .. im letting light go T_T cuz there's no one to take care of this little guy .. im gonna miss him ~ 


appa actually i never told you guys what really happen to me right ^^ .. well im gonna tell it now ! i wanna let all my feelings out !! XD


i've suffer this since i was 10 .. i got this ill called hollow heart , i lost my mom after she donate her heart to me T_T .. after that mylife is a mess im starting to ran away from house sleep at street sideway ..i lost a person that i really love so much and i even try to suicide . i probably makes my mom feel sad ..am i -_-? i finally get to meet my mom now ^^ but i feel sorry to my dad cuz his a loner and he only have a daughter and a son T_T(im teary) ~ i really feel sorry to him , i never listen to what he says but yesterday i draw a picture of him and mom ^^ and he cried XD ! 


yet again im thankful to god for giving me a chance to meet you guys ^^ ..im really happy and i feel like my old days when i was with my mom~ appa lets meet ailee oneday^^ hahaha ~ ..appa i probably to shy to say this XD . i love you appa!! your the best appa in the whole world!! at first it was kinda awkward for me heheheh XD but im getting used to it ^^ .. i feel happy today cuz i got to eat sushi with my dad ! i love sushi >.< ! 


i think im done now XD~ appa take care of yourself ..dont take to much pressure in your work !! i regret myself cuz of not taking my health seriously T_T .. appa suddenly i feel sorry to annie , i probably done so many evil jokes to her and even bothering her T_T .. appa i really like annie ^^ i was hoping that we could met oneday >.< ! take care of Annie !! and Hera !! Ione !!hahaha XD thats it !! this is too long XD ~


!! appa i love you !!




its a miracle for me to still alive from this surgery cuz the doctor say i have no hope to live actually..bcuz of you guys im still alive even just for a few days i can live happily and even met light!! .. thank you ^^


ohh wait !! i hope that Ione will do her exam well XD hahah !! read more books!!


-andy- ^^"

I didn't change anything and it is as how it was sent to me..

It's funny that all of them called me "Appa" >means dad (informal) in Hangul<... I read this little note a lot of times and every single time I will cry... He is so young and has much yet to learn from the world...

Well, with Andy gone, it really hit me that life can stop anytime regardless you are ready or not. I come to appreciate life more now. He leaves with a big lesson for me to learn from.

Don't ever think about suicide, don't act without thinking, loves your family and more importantly, always try to make others happy and don't be selfish... 

Andy~ Goodbye and thank you so much. Even we didn't get to meet each other, you really leave an impact in my life and for that I have to thank you again and again. Rest in Peace

~ Hope you are living a better life in Heaven ~ You loves Ailee and her 1st single is called "Heaven", isn't it just ironic?

"Little Lies - lingering in sorrow and sadness"